The Darkness

I'm all alone in darkness as the scent of death clouds the air. I can't move my body feels paralyzed. I feel so cold and alone. My heart beats are becoming slower and slower. My mind is going blank as I feel like everything around me is becoming faint. In the distant I see such a bright light and I began to feel so much warmth throughout my body. I don't feel alone anymore. As I feel somebody touch my skin and return to where I am. My heartbeat starts to pick up..I wonder what is happening to me?..What is this amazing sensation running through my body?.. As I feel somebody kiss my lips making me breathe again. Feeling so warm and complete. I look into his eyes and I see a reflection of somebody beautiful and wonder if it's really me. Could somebody really see me as something beautiful.. I feel as though I am protected in these arms and loved. This person steals away all my pain and suffering and makes me feel so alive. But then I wake up in complete darkness and realize it was all just a dream the one I loved and that loved me is dead and gone forever. I can barely stay alive in this lonely place. Just wasting away and waiting to die.. To be with that person again.. All I do is cry..

The Scar

Hmmm..On the inside she thought..Will I always be lonely if my beauty is only on the inside..nobody can see it this way…

One Year Earlier

When I sit alone outside and watch the clouds go by I always think that there is someone out there for me but is there really. Somebody who will love me and care for me for who I am. This scar I bare is a burden to me. It's not fair that I have to wear this scar..why me? As she walks inside her home there are no mirrors and anything that can give off her reflection is covered. She never looks at herself because of this scar. To think that a scar could bring such pain and sadness to somebody. This scar has been with her for most of her life never fading always there to remind her that she will always be ugly and alone.

The Scar
Before the scar the girl had everything she was so happy and beautiful. She was never lonely she was more or less hated by most because of her beauty and how she could have anybody she wanted. She took her beauty for granted. She never knew that one day all of this could be taken away from her. And one day it all just went away..the girl was just walking home so beautiful and happy when she tripped and there to meet her was a girl so ugly but she said something and everything went black. When the girl woke up it was dark and she didn't know where she was or what had happened to her. When a women came out of the darkness and spoke to her..Why should you get to be so beautiful?..And why am I so ugly?.. I live in darkness and I'm alone with nobody to talk to and nobody to love me for there own. And you are so happy and beautiful and you walk around without a care in the world. Well I'm going to change all that if I should have to suffer this pain so should you. You have done nothing but take your beauty for granted while others suffer with no beauty at all. Everything went black again and the next time the girl woke up she was home. She got up and thought that everything was just a terrible dream she had. Until she looked in the mirror and had this horrible, ugly scar on her face and on her body. In horror of what she saw in the mirror she screamed and cried for hours. She covered all the mirrors and hid in darkness for days.

Life with a scar

For years she hid in darkness never wanting to be seen by anyone. When she had to get food and stuff she wore a robe to cover herself and a mask over her face so nobody would see her scar on her face or body. Everybody always stared at her but she knew if she were to go outside showing her scar they would still stare and say nasty things to her she could not bare that.

To be continued…..

Some of my writings from the past. ~2~

To feel this way

Everything is changing so fast

As I grow and get bigger

I feel you and hear your heartbeat

At first I don’t know how to feel

I feel nothing for a while

Maybe I’m just holding myself back

So soon you became apart of me

I’m not sure what to do

I’m doing all I can right now

I promise I will make the right choice

I want you to have all the things I didn’t have

But Soon I will smile and hold you in my arms

You will be so important to me I won’t ever let you go

I will be all I can be

I will protect you and love you

And I will always listen to you when you wanna talk

I won’t ever judge you or abuse you

I will love you with all my heart

I will be all I can be and support you no matter what

I will be a big part of your life

because I’m your mommy



Bound


I hold up a barrier that is bound to be broken but won’t

I don’t need anyone around me

I fear being alone but welcome it at the same time

I hate all the lies and the judgment

I hate those who critize me

I’m the nicest person

And a bitch at the same time

I wear my heart on my sleeve

While I’m tearing yours apart

I’m tired of being like them

I won’t ever fit in

Cause I live for no one but me now

This world is full of hate and judgment

It will never change because people will always be blind

There is no room for love and compromise

In this world that will never change





Incomplete
Why is it that I lose all confidence?.. Why is it that I feel so inferior? When she post a new photo or a new status.. I have everything I’ve ever wanted.. Yet I still feel like I haven’t won. I feel so incomplete.. Like your settling just for me..

Because what you want is out of reach. To everybody else I feel like one of a kind..

To you I feel I’m not good enough. I feel so incomplete.. Like there’s always secrets I don’t know.. That your hiding things and won’t let go. My love for you always grows.. But I feel your love for me always fades. I feel there’s more to you that I never knew.. And that space she holds in your heart.. I don’t think I will ever be able to fill. Is this just me being insecure.. Or is this the truth.. I would never ask.. For I don’t think I could take the truth.. Even if you did tell it.

Some of my writings from the past. ~1~

She tries all she can to rub away every place he touched. She feels disgusted with her body and doesn’t even look at herself anymore. All she does is hide indoors from the world. She hides all her scars from those who could wound her with one touch. Her heart is fragile and broken. She only wants to be mended and cured of all her wounds.
She wakes up everyday with another man just to feel affection and to get attention from somebody who doesn’t love her. She toys with so many boys she’s just not human anymore. She hurts and destroys everyone around her. When looking into the mirror she able to face who she really is a just a cold-hearted queen.
Why does it seem like whenever you are happy somebody will do anything to ruin ur happiness.
When we seperate we don't only hurt eachother we also hurt the one's closest to us♥

Ahh I just want everybody and everything to go away. I just want to shut down for just a lil while. And maybe in the morning I won't feel so broken inside. And the tears that I've cried will all be dried
I'm too broken and I might not ever be fixed. Everything is going really good right now so I'm going to enjoy ever minute of it until it all disappears. ♥

Sometimes I just shut down.I become shallow and hollow.I put up a wall to block all my emotions and feelings inside away from everyone.Only to bottle them up until they come flowing out all at once.I don't want to be hurt or feel so insecure anymore.
I wanna live off my dreams and bathe in my success and be something nobody ever thought I could be. I promise I will make you proud of me.

No matter how many people surround you we were all born alone and die alone.

Each day she’s somebody different. He tells her he loves her and that she’s perfect. She
feels so pathetic and like she’s not worth it. She hates to say good bye. But he has big dreams and so much to give. While she just can’t stand to live.

I wish you could see how I see you through these eyes. Your so adorable. And your beauty compares to no other. You shine brighter then the sun. You bring everybody around you so much joy and hope. Your warmth spreads all around me. And you hold such a big place in my heart. Telling you all these things and more could never explain how truly amazing you really are.♥

It’s funny how you say those three words so carelessly. You use such cool words to sway me and mix up my feelings until I’m all confused. Just to drop me in the end and rip out my heart and tear me down. All those promises became lies. You say your sorry and play the good guy..you make it hard to be mad at you..even now you say those three little words even though I know it’s not true in the first place. I fake a smile and pretend everything is alright. Cause I will never show you all the tears I've cried.

Synopsis For My Short Story- My light through the Darkness <---still unsure of the title so this is it for now.

Alexander was a tall dark, mysterious boy. Lily was a simple shy, misunderstood girl. But when they met I guess you could say things changed for them both.


Alexander always keeping to himself and didn’t have a friend in sight. He liked it that way why would you need friends if you have secrets you can’t tell anyone. He spent everyday going to school like a normal kid and then going straight home all alone. Clinging to the darkness and loneliness was all he could do. He showed no interest in anybody or anything. Nobody bothered him because he was just too strange.


Lily simple and shy was the best way to describe her. She never talked unless spoken to and was misunderstood for just being that way. She didn’t really have many friends just one was all she needed. Most of the time she was reading in the library or writing in her notebook. She never had a boyfriend or even tried getting one for that matter. A relationship wasn’t what she wanted it seemed to complicated and foreign to her. Her parents had neglected her so she lived with her grandmother who soon pasted away so now she was alone.


So what happens when both there worlds collide?..

Review for Existence by Abbi Glines

Hmm.. Existence..what can I say about this book..I can honestly tell you in one word that this book is AMAZING!! I am always looking for books that help me escape from my everyday to day life and this was definatly one book that caught my attention just from the cover. The cover is simply beautiful. It makes me feel like Death is looking into my soul.lol :) I loved this book for many reasons. Death aka Dank was of course my favorite character throughout this book it seemed like he was having to fight this battle with himself/his feelings because he's so drawn to Pagan but he's death he's not suppose to have this feelings and isn't meant to be in love. With all that being said Pagan on the other hand has been dealing with seeing ghost all her life and now with Death showing up and talking to her she is so confused and doesn't have any clue of who he is and how he is able to speak to her unlike all the other ghost she's seen. By trying to ignore him like she's done to the others she realizes he still doesn't go away. Soon she is drawn to him and can't help but fall in love with him but who wouldn't Dank is surely someone that I think most girls would fall in love with. He has many perfect qualities he is dangerous because he is death and darkness surrounds him but on the other hand he can be sweet and caring and will do anything to protect Pagan the girl he loves. She just wants to be with him and he wants to be with her but knows that it won't be easy and that there relationship won't be a easy/normal one. So to sum this book up it's pretty much Death battling himself/his feelings for Pagan and trying to keep her safe and Pagan battling for there love and Death's life. The key factor that makes this book a must read is there relationship and how far they will go to save each other. There love for each other really made me want to read more and more. So if you see this book and are not sure about it I think you should definatly give it a shot. Abbi Glines is an extraordinary author and this book and all her others have been wonderful they never disappoint me. :)